Tuesday, October 2, 2007
We went to a wedding last weekend under protest. My sister-in-law and ex-brother-in-law were retying the knot, after being divorced from each other for 3 years. Last Friday, we had to take our kids out of school, drive a good 3 hours down to Branson, MO to attend a 5:30pm wedding in the Wilderness Chapel in Steal Your Dollar, er Silver Dollar City. ;) My husband thinks his sister is an idiot for remarrying the man who made her miserable enough to divorce him the first time and I think she's making a big mistake too. Although I would like her to prove us all wrong. She has a lot of work ahead of her, being that the groom has become more self centered in the 3 years of bachlorhood he enjoyed immensely and has made few friends in his professional dealings.
That's the surface of my mudslinging. The REAL issues are deeper.
I was wondering, 3 days after the wedding, WHY was I so torn up over them getting married. I mean, their union won't effect me a hill of beans' worth, except that I have to be polite at family gatherings. Last night it hit me. I was JEALOUS! No, I don't have the hots for my broth-in-law. Heaven forbid! No, I am jealous and angry, and hurt even, that my husband and I have stuck it out for almost 13 years for richer (when I had a job), for poorer (when we filed bankruptcy because of a failed business venture), in sickness (when we were just sick of each other) and in health (the birth of 3 kids and all that entails) and there are no kudos for it. Meanwhile my sister-in-law gets married for the 3rd time and there is a big ol' woop de doo for her.
Why is marriage valued so little, and getting married given top prize? Really, it makes me want to throw in the towel and say, "I quit". But I won't. I can't. I couldn't live with myself if I did. I am committed to my husband, come what may. And he is committed to me (although he has often thrown up his hands and said, "I'm DONE!"). He comes around. :) We take our wedding vows seriously, especially the part about, "What God has joined together, let no man [woman] put asunder". We may be old fashioned fools. We may be viewed as oddities, but we plug along. And recently my husband has said that he is falling in love with me all over again. Do you know what it does to you (as a woman) when a man desires you? Well, I glow, for one thing! We are getting our second wind. And there are people looking on with envy. Wishing they had that kind of committed relationship, or could find one. My husband has friends that ask him how it is that we stay married (because they can't get it straight themselves). He tells them, "I don't know". The real answer is simple. It's God. God's grace. We are committed to the vow we took before God and God equips us with what we need to get through a crisis and the unconditional love it takes to keep two headstrong individuals cemented together. Some people do it without God, but I don't know how. Some people call themselves "Christian" and still divorce. Free Will, baby. God can't FORCE two people to stay together is they are determined not to be.
In the ceremony last Friday the minister said, "Marriage is an honorable state ordained by God and is not to be gone into lightly, but soberly..." I am paraphrasing a little, but anyone who has been to more than one wedding (or seen one in a movie!) knows the litany like the Miranda rights. Anyway, I felt a tight knot during that part of the ceremony. Are they taking the words to heart? Are they going to go the distance this time? Are they going to love each other more, forgive more and sacrifice more than they did the last time? I hope to God they do.